Bar Jokes

This horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Hey,pal, why the long face...

This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the barman says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the barman, "Hey barman, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?" The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, the toilet's over there in the corner."

Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

This mushroom walks into a bar. Barman say "You look like a fun guy..."

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."

A guy walks into a bar, and he has a drink. He looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, and so on. And the bartender says, "What are you doing; what's in your pocket?" And the guy said, " It's a picture of my wife; when she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."

So a five dollar bill walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar."

Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here."

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, "how can you prove it?" The man, says "come with me." They go inside the bar. The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, not you again."

A man walks out of a bar and meets a policeman. "Hey," the policeman says, "your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking Bloody Mary's?" "Well," the man says, "your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.