Bradley' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Bradley does not sleep. He waits.
Bradley is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Bradley is pain.
Bradley doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Bradley has counted to infinity. Twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Bradley.
Bradley' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
Bradley is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Bradley, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
If you ask Bradley what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Bradley sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Bradley has not had to pay taxes, ever.
CNN was originally created as the "Bradley Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Bradley once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Bradley doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Bradley will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Bradley originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Bradley once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Bradtatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Bradley once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Bradley.
Bradley discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Bradley is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Bradley roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Bradley gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Bradley has breathed on.
Bradley once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Bradley won by 5.
Bradley was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Brad's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
A Bradley-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Bradley falls in water, Bradley doesn't get wet. Water gets Bradley.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Bradley Roundhouse Kick)
When Bradley has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
In honor of Bradley, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Bradleysized".
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Bradley is worth 1 billion words.
Bradley invented his own type of karate. It's called Brad-Will-Kill.
While urinating, Bradley is easily capable of welding titanium.
Bradley doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Bradley once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Bradley eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Bradley proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Bradley to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Bradley had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Once you go Bradley, you are physically unable to go back.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Bradley. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Bradley.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Bradley kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Bradley to go around.
Bradley doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Bradley is Bradley.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Bradley Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Little known medical fact: Bradley invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Since 1940, the year Bradley was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Bradley once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Bradley were cloned, then it would be possible for a Bradley roundhouse kick to meet another Bradley roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Bradley roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Bradley in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Bradley doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Bradley.
Bradley used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Bradley killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
In 1990, Bradley founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Bradley with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Bradley cannot be in two places at the same time.
Bradley can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Bradley is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Bradley is on.
Bradley is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE MAC10’s: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
For undercover police work, Bradley pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Bradley is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
Bradley once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Bradley ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
Back in the '30s, there was a lot of controversy because Bradley was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He karate-chopped every white person’s head off in sight, and now he sits wherever the fuck he wants to.
During the Vietnam War, Bradley allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Bradley once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Bradley can touch MC Hammer.
Bradley is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Bradley can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Bradley only waves to people who doesn't have any hands. He wants them to think he's cocky.
27. The number of fatal roundhouse-kicks to the face Bradley has given to other people in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
Bradley slicks his hair back with his victims sweat.
Who let the dogs out? Bradley.
Bradley doesn't own a pager or a cell phone. He is always around everyone, ever. If you need to contact him, whisper, "Hey Bradley" and he will turn his head to the right and say "What?"
10x10= Bradley.
So fed up of his slow computer system at home, Bradley pissed anabolic steroids and increased its performance.
Ask not what Bradley can do for you, but what can you do for Bradley?
If you don't know who your biological father is, it's probably Bradley.
Bradley has already been to Mars, that is why there are no signs of life there.
Bradley can do 137 pushups. With his feet.
Ashton Kutcher once tried to punk Bradley. After Ashton told him "You got punked!" Bradley immediately Karate-chopped him in the left testicle and responded, "No I didn't, your testicles did."
Bradley can unscramble an egg.
Will Smith once said, "I got to get me one of these." Bradley does in fact have one of those.
Bradley never has to force a confession out of a convict. They all spill their guts immediately...and literally.
Bradley invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bradley could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Bradley is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Bradley is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Bradley goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Bradley has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Bradley jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Bradley instead.
Bradley can divide by zero.
Bradley can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Bradley runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
When a tsunami happens, it’s because Bradley has been swimming laps in the ocean.
Bradley poops light sabers.
Bradley clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.
Bradley likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Bradley threw it.
Bradley’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
Camels have a hump because Bradley needed a place to store his kills.
Bradley has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
Bradley has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
On his birthday, Bradley blows out his candles by blinking.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Bradley.
When Bradley vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Bradley never vomits.
If Bradley were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.
Bradley graduated from school with a degree in Bradley.
Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Bradley and state. Bradley eliminated them.
The only thing Bradley fears is Bradley.
Bradley uses staples as hair gel.
Bradley doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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